Becci, and other stupid ways people spell their names to sound more interesting

SPELLING their name in a bizarre way rarely masks the fact that someone is crashingly dull. Do you know one of these people?

Becci, Bekki, Bekkie or Beki

Becky is already a truncation of Rebecca, so the only reason to mess with it further is if you’re so desperate to be different that you decide to spell it in the stupidest way possible. If she hasn’t grown out of it by the time she leaves secondary school, call her Beaky just to annoy her.


She’s not just any Elizabeth, she is different. Less regal but more enigmatic. She will not let innocent mistakes go, but instead corrects people indignantly. You quietly wonder what that ’s’ has added to her life, apart from irritation on the faces of people taking down her details.


Is it Trsytan, Tristen, Tristin, Tristan, Triston or, god forbid, Tristian? Ultimately it doesn’t really matter, as the man who has this name will also have a vintage ‘Landy’ and a massive inheritance, and should rightfully go by the name of ‘rich tosser’.


They clearly didn’t have enough potential for variation with Catherine, Katherine, Katharine, Cathryn, Kathryn, Kathy, Cathy, Kate, Cate, Katrina, Catrina or Cat. She will smugly explain that the extra ‘n’ is silent, just like your seething hatred for her annoying pretensions.


Insisting on spelling ‘Tom’ in this way may make you feel sophisticated and a little mysterious, but it’s a ball ache for anyone who has to say it aloud. Do you pronounce the ‘th’ as in ‘thumb’? Is he descended from Vikings or something? Or just a man with a boring name leaning heavily on the letter ‘h’ to make himself seem special?


Clearly she thought Sandra sounded like a hairdresser’s name and added an exotic ‘z’ in a bid to sound fascinating.  Sadly, she ignored the fact that Zandra makes her sound like a lesser-known Instagrammer who incessantly posts pictures of her pony and her inbred pug dog.

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'Love Actually celebrates stalking': how to ruin Christmas films with your tedious woke opinions

WANT to ruin someone’s favourite Christmas film by making them feel crap about enjoying it? Share these opinions:

‘Love Actually celebrates stalking’

Alright, so all the secret filming that Mark does of Juliet is creepy, as is turning up at her house, telling her to lie to her husband and declaring his love for her. But the heartwarming scene with the kid running through the airport is wonderful, so let’s just pretend it’s all very romantic and not focus on the weird bits, OK?

‘Home Alone glorifies violence’

Maybe it’s true that if you got smacked in the face with a tin of paint or set on fire you’d be severely injured or dead, neither of which is funny. But why not suspend your disbelief for 90 minutes, you po-faced misery? It’s not a documentary. What lunatic would take 11 children on holiday for Christmas, after all?

‘Bridget Jones promotes sexist fat shaming’

Yeah, there are a lot of jokes about Bridget being fat and she’s sexually harassed by her boss. But it’s just a film, and one from the 90s at that. Times were different then. Oh right, you’re genuinely cross about all that and are going to point out every instance of misogyny in the film while the rest of us try to enjoy the good bits. Why don’t you piss off and read a book or something?

‘Elf others tall people’

Elf is funny because Buddy’s the odd one out amongst the elves due to being tall. Oh, you don’t think it’s humorous in the slightest. Buddy is othered and discriminated against by the elf community because he is different? It’s basically a film about festive hate crimes, is it? You really need to lighten up, mate.

‘Die Hard isn’t a Christmas film’

Look, just f**k off, yeah?