A MAN’S hearing is so sensitive that he can detect a bra being unhooked from the other side of the house, his girlfriend has confirmed.
Tom Booker is so pathetically excited at the possibility of breasts that even a particular pattern of footsteps upstairs, followed by a pause and a barely audible slide of metal on metal, sees him appear suddenly at the door.
Girlfriend Emma Bradford said: “I can’t hear it, and I’m inches away. I’d challenge a microphone to pick it up. But Tom’s ears are attuned.
“It is, in a way, flattering. But when I’m just in from work and slipping into comfies I just want to set the girls free without him dashing over and going in for a two-handed grope.
“When I call him from the sofa to make me a cup of tea he’s deaf to it. The unhooking and the sound of boobs released from their confinement? Like a f**king klaxon to him.
“I even have to be careful not to say the word ‘boobs’ when I’m on the phone to my sister or he appears, eyes wide with expectation. This is why sports bras were invented, because they flatten the tit and you can slip them on and off near-silently.”
Booker said: “Emma makes me sound like some deranged, sex-crazed animal, which isn’t fair. It’s just very, very exciting to see breasts in real life and sometimes be allowed to touch them.”
