THE inhabitants of Bristol have been politely reminded that their city isn’t the magical progressive utopia they think it is.
After taking in its bang average arts scene and looking at a plinth where a dodgy statue once stood, experts have concluded that Bristol doesn’t live up to the hype and is in desperate need of a good clean.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Bristol isn’t a soulless dump like Peterborough, but that doesn’t mean it’s the promised land either. The accent alone places it firmly in the ‘tolerable’ tier.
“A handful of miserable bands that were vaguely popular a couple of decades ago. A graffiti artist who’s only famous because nobody knows who the f**k he is. In terms of pathetic attempts to look trendy, Bristol has got it all.
“Oh, it’s got a naval history and a big bridge? Big deal. So’s Plymouth but you don’t hear anyone raving about it. And as for the inhabitants, they’re a hideous mix of entitled students and crusty slack-lining jugglers. Need I say more?”
Clifton resident Martin Bishop said: “Everyone’s just jealous of Bristol because it’s really edgy and cool. That’s why I live in the twatty upmarket suburb that has none of those things.”