Saturday, 5th December 2020

Britain reaches stage where it's just wearing a f**king duvet

THE UK is only days into a second lockdown and has already reached the point where it is just walking around wearing a f**king duvet.

Enormous padded coats, called duvet coats because even marketing executives cannot be arsed lying anymore, are the key fashion trend for the season and a sad indictment of almost everything.

Grace Wood-Morris said: “I’ve got one. I wear it at the freezing cold bus stop, watch Friends on my phone and pretend I’m at home in bed.

“It hides my jogging trousers and fleece which are basically my day pyjamas, so now even leaving the house is like staying on the sofa under a duvet in front of Netflix. It makes the whole world a sickie.

“What else should I wear? A pencil skirt and heels, when there aren’t any bars or shops or people? F**k that. I’m wearing a duvet.”

Fashion editor Lucy Parry said: “The duvet coat is the look everyone’s wearing this year, teamed with a floral facemask, a hollow-eyed stare and the scent of aimless, drifting despair.

“Next season’s look? There is no next season. This is it, forever.”