A BRITISH man has once again been f**ked over by Google’s assertion that Mother’s Day falls in May.
28-year-old Jordan Gardner planned not to give his mother a single thought this weekend, as usual, until his idle thought that cards were in Sainsbury’s Local early this year turned into the dawning realisation that he had done this again.
He said: “F**k. Bloody Americans. I swear they move this bastard around.
“Last year I didn’t even realise I’d missed it and presented my nonplussed mother with a basket of Lush shit two months’ late. And then she insisted on keeping it even though technically I was within my rights to take it back.
“This year I saw adverts online and thought ‘I’m not falling for that again,’ but apparently they were appropriate to my region this time, and if I’d just clicked and sent my mum flowers she wouldn’t be ignoring my texts today.
“I can’t win. It’s Schrödinger’s Mother’s Day. Whichever cup I guess the ball is under, it’s the wrong one. If they can’t make this as uncomplicated as birthdays and Christmas, I’m out. Sorry Mum. I’m just not comfortable with the level of risk.”
Mother Ivy Gardner said: “Your sister texted and told you the date last Wednesday. She was here when she did it.”
