WITH Netflix, Xbox and cyberbullying, today’s kids have plenty to occupy them all summer. But could they survive six long weeks of 1970s boredom?
1 The school holidays of 1978 have started. Do you stay at home (go to 5) or venture out? (Go to 2)
2 There’s f**k all to do as a kid. Wimpy is open, but you’ve only got 24p of pocket money. Do you go to a friend’s house (go to 4) or return home (go to 7)?
3 Roll a dice. If you score 1-2 go to 6. If you score 3-4, go to 7. If you score 5-6 go to 8.
4 You and your friends wander the streets looking for stuff to do. Finally you settle upon vandalising a tree then get bored, Colin falls on a rusty spike and is taken to hospital to get a tetanus injection. Go to 3.
5 Your mum feeds you you some unpleasant Heinz ravioli on toast. There’s nothing on TV except Saint & Greavsie. You are terminally bored. This is the rest of your summer holiday. GAME OVER.
6 You’re in the 1970s municipal library where you develop an interest in Doctor Who novelisations, which will become a lifelong obsession and cause you to remain a virgin until the age of 23. Go back to 3.
7 You’ve gone on a family holiday! Unfortunately it’s two weeks in Prestatyn in constant pissing rain where you spend three hours a day outside a pub drinking Britvic while your parents get shitfaced to relieve the boredom. GAME OVER.
8 Your mum and dad take you shopping to Fine Fare just for something to do. However you badger them into getting you a cool protractor and ruler set in in a tin. YOU HAVE WON!