Caravan holidays just gateway to swinging, grandparents admit

CARAVAN holidays are a tentative step towards kinky retirement-age swinging, the nation’s grandparents have admitted.

Retired couples like Roy and Janice Hobbs are buying caravans for the sense of freedom, inexpensive holidays and potential for getting it on with other broadminded seniors.

Janice Hobbs said: “We love setting up camp, meeting interesting people and wondering if other freewheeling caravanners are up for a bit of slap and tickle.

“We’ve heard there’s a bit of a ‘scene’ and owning a caravan is a definite in. We’ve not had much luck yet, but we think the polite chit chat and occasional barbecue is probably caravan swinger hazing.”

Roy Hobbs said: “We’ve left the family at home and loaded up on Cialis. We’re completely free spirits and we’re ready for some hot caravan action.

“Admittedly the last couple we met just wanted to visit a cathedral and talk about chemical toilets. I didn’t expect people who own a caravan to be so square, but we did have some very nice scones in a tea shop.

“I’m sure we’ll meet some swingers soon but if not we’ll just have to look up dogging on the internet.”

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'Am I a bellend like that?' asks horrified Trump

A SHAKEN President Trump has asked aides if he resembles Kanye West after the egomaniac rapper visited the Oval Office.

After seeing the shocked and contemptuous reaction to West’s bizarre monologue about “feeling like Superman” the president realised that was exactly how audiences react to him.

Trump said: “When I saw that man with his self-satisfied, hamster-cheeked face under his red MAGA hat relentlessly spouting bullshit it was like looking in a mirror.

“I tried to listen but all I could think was ‘That’s not true’ and ‘This guy does not know what the hell he’s talking about’. Then a terrible thought occurred – is that me?

“This is a wake-up call. If you realise you’re an even bigger asshole than Kanye West there’s something seriously wrong with your life.

“Sometimes when you’re a colossal dickhead it takes an even bigger dickhead to snap you out of it. I’m sorry, okay? I can change. I don’t have to be another Kanye.”

West said: “I thought it went pretty well.”