BEING forced to splash cash on people who already have enough money for a fancy wedding? Here are the stingiest options:
Coasters
The couple in question don’t really want these, but you don’t want to spend half your month’s wages on an air fryer, so they’re having them. It’s not like they’re that cheap anyway, being made of handcrafted slate. And, no, you’re not paying extra to have them engraved with the couple’s initials. You don’t like them that much.
The smallest kitchen gadget
The newlyweds have lived together for seven years already and have most normal kitchen items, so the list is full of things like Belgian waffle makers and electric salad spinners. Find the smallest thing possible and pay for it begrudgingly because you know they will probably never use their garlic hammer or lemon deseeder.
A single plate
You know for a fact they have plenty of perfectly serviceable IKEA plates and bowls, because you’ve been round for food often enough, so you think it’s a bit cheeky that they want their guests to fork out for a luxury dinner service from a fancy designer. You purchase a single plate, which you know you’ll never get to eat off because they’ll insist on keeping it ‘for best’.
Scented candle
You’re burning money anyway by having to travel to a far-flung part of the country for a party you won’t really enjoy, so why not make the expense more literal? Anyway, the stupid candle still costs £15, which seems an outrageous amount to spend on something they’re going to set on fire. You hope they hate the scent of Lime Flower and Sea Salt, whatever the f**k that’s meant to smell like.
A £10 contribution to the honeymoon
Modern-day couples shatter the illusion that they are excited about setting up home together by brazenly admitting they just want your cold, hard cash. In the days when you stumped up for a toaster, you could feel good about supporting their budding domestic life together, but chipping in money for them to get drunk in the sun feels like they’re taking the piss. Donate the smallest amount you can possibly get away with.
