Coasters, and other cheapskate things to get away with buying from a wedding registry

BEING forced to splash cash on people who already have enough money for a fancy wedding? Here are the stingiest options:


The couple in question don’t really want these, but you don’t want to spend half your month’s wages on an air fryer, so they’re having them. It’s not like they’re that cheap anyway, being made of handcrafted slate. And, no, you’re not paying extra to have them engraved with the couple’s initials. You don’t like them that much.

The smallest kitchen gadget

The newlyweds have lived together for seven years already and have most normal kitchen items, so the list is full of things like Belgian waffle makers and electric salad spinners. Find the smallest thing possible and pay for it begrudgingly because you know they will probably never use their garlic hammer or lemon deseeder.

A single plate

You know for a fact they have plenty of perfectly serviceable IKEA plates and bowls, because you’ve been round for food often enough, so you think it’s a bit cheeky that they want their guests to fork out for a luxury dinner service from a fancy designer. You purchase a single plate, which you know you’ll never get to eat off because they’ll insist on keeping it ‘for best’.

Scented candle

You’re burning money anyway by having to travel to a far-flung part of the country for a party you won’t really enjoy, so why not make the expense more literal? Anyway, the stupid candle still costs £15, which seems an outrageous amount to spend on something they’re going to set on fire. You hope they hate the scent of Lime Flower and Sea Salt, whatever the f**k that’s meant to smell like.

A £10 contribution to the honeymoon

Modern-day couples shatter the illusion that they are excited about setting up home together by brazenly admitting they just want your cold, hard cash. In the days when you stumped up for a toaster, you could feel good about supporting their budding domestic life together, but chipping in money for them to get drunk in the sun feels like they’re taking the piss. Donate the smallest amount you can possibly get away with.

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Man changes lockscreen photo when out with mates

A MAN replaces the photo of his wife and kids on his phone with a picture of something macho every time he goes out with the lads.

When preparing to go to the pub a critical part of Martin Bishop’s routine is to swap the image of his loving family for one that his mates will not see and call him a ‘pussy’.

Malley said: “The photo I usually have is of me, Nikki and the children at Disneyland doing the Hot Dog Dance. Which I love, but the boys would laugh and I do look a bit of a twat in the Mickey Mouse ears, to be fair.

“So I change it before I leave the house. Last week I had a monster truck with flames down the side, the week before the Arsenal logo. Tonight I’m thinking Tyson Fury. Is that macho or is a picture of a muscly bloke with his top off a bit gay?

“Honestly, it’s a minefield. Still, better to be called a ‘massive bender’ than have my friends thinking I’m devoted to my lovely family.”

Mate Big Steve said: “The truth is we’re pleased he’s so happy. But the only way we know how to express that is to absolutely rip the piss until he’s almost crying.”