Couple in late 30s weirdly not bothered about parents paying for everything

A COUPLE who are supposedly proper adults do not seem troubled by being given loads of money by their parents, friends have noticed.

Despite already getting massive financial help buying a flat and a car, Tom Logan and Nikki Hollis pathetically now expect their parents to chip in towards everything from holidays to their weekly shop.

Hollis said: “The cost of living is so high these days it’s entirely reasonable that our parents contribute towards those lovely shoes that caught my eye last week and Tom’s large collection of Playstation games.

“Yes, Tom and I both have jobs, but it’s not like the olden days when I could be a housewife and Tom could do an ordinary job like working in a factory and we could still buy a house and have loads of money.

“Don’t most parents pay for their children’s scuba diving holiday in Florida? If you can’t afford kids you shouldn’t have them in the first place.”

Friend Emma Bradford said: “You’d think by the age of 37 Tom and Nikki might have some concept of ‘standing on your own feet’, but no. Last week their parents paid for their new duvet, for fuck’s sake.”

Hollis’ father George said: “We just try to help Nikki and Tom whenever we can. It’s not like we need expensive holidays or food that isn’t just dry toast.”

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Man with neck beard wondering what the hell he was thinking

A MAN is having a major rethink of his neck beard after realising he has no idea why he grew it.

Administrator Martin Bishop began to have doubts about the beard – which is unconnected to other facial hair – after looking in the mirror and realising he had made himself look strange.

Bishop said: “Why did I grow this fucking neck beard? Does anyone know? I certainly don’t and I’m the one who grew it.

“It’s not really a hipster beard and it’s not a masculine beard like Action Man had. It just makes me look slightly like an internet troll or an Amish guy, which is a really odd look to go for.”

Bishop’s mum Sandra said: “He certainly does look like a twat.”

Bishop has theorised that he wanted a beard like many other men but also wanted to be ‘a bit different’, something he achieved by looking like an arse. 

He added: “I’m going to have to cut it off. I could grow more facial hair so it all joins up into a proper beard, but then I’d have several weeks of looking like I’ve got mange.”