Friday, 4th December 2020

Couple mistakenly enlarge terrifying photo of newborn onto giant canvas

THE sleep-deprived parents of a newborn baby have enlarged a photo of her onto a three-foot canvas where she looks like a mutant freak. 

Drunk on hormones, Tom and Eleanor Logan have proudly placed the enormous image in their hall where they avoid looking at it directly, because it is frightening and hideous.

Eleanor said: “People like looking at photos of their children, don’t they? There would be something wrong with them if they didn’t, wouldn’t there?

“So when we pass the picture of our marvellous progeny looming over us, with his crazy wisps of hair and squashed, grotesque face, we certainly don’t avert our eyes in fear. That would be wrong.

“You know that unfortunate early stage when babies look half like their daddy and half like rotting fruit? Plus the canvas had just the right texture to accentuate an unfortunate case of cradle cap.

“It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever f**king seen. But we can’t say that and we can’t take it down. So that’s parenthood.”

Eleanor’s mother Susan Logan said: “They did me a copy. We keep it under the stairs when they’re not visiting, facing a wall.”