SOMEONE tinkering with a musical instrument but not actually playing it is the most annoying sound known to humans, research has confirmed.
The Institute for Studies found that tuneless fiddling with a guitar, piano or any other instrument instantly leads to agitation, depression and finally murderous rage.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Many musicians, such as acoustic guitar players, are dicks, but people who noodle around making random sounds are the real bastards.
“They could be fiddling with anything from a keyboard to a bassoon and anyone nearby will immediately get a primal urge to beat them to death with it like the apes in 2001.
“If you can’t play an instrument, stop arsing around with it. And if you can, for God’s sake don’t make anyone sit in embarrassed awkwardness listening to your own songs.
“If you find yourself with a non-musician molesting an instrument, don’t do anything to suggest you’re interested in what they’re doing and take the first opportunity to run away.”
Mum-of-two Emma Bradford said: “I love plinking away on our piano, even though I can’t play it. But weirdly when my daughter does it it’s the most annoying fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”