Thursday, 13th May 2021

Downstairs toilet not for shitting in

A WOMAN has explained to her husband and two sons that the downstairs toilet is not suitable for them to do shits in. 

Joanna Kramer was visibly distressed at the necessity of explaining that the loo under the stairs is for urination not defecation, which she expected would be obvious.

She continued: “Yes, it’s a toilet. But it’s a toilet mere yards away from the kitchen. And there’s an old phrase about not doing number twos where you eat, yes?

“It’s only a short trip up the stairs to the family bathroom, which has an extractor fan and a window you can open and a Glade plug-in, so I think it would be much nicer if we went there from now on, yes? Every time. No exceptions.”

She added privately: “I’m trying to watch Vera and they’re in there shitting like f**king beasts? Not in my f**king house.

“The smell drifts into the kitchen, it drifts into the lounge, and what if someone nice comes round? What do I say, ‘Welcome to my house of shit’? Dirty bastards.”

Husband Simon Kramer said: “Point taken. From now on, I’ll dump in our en-suite.”