Friday, 4th December 2020

Dry clean only dress gets Febrezed again

A DRESS labelled ‘dry clean only’ has been given its fourth Febreze before being worn for another night out. 

The intricately-sequinned Joseph dress, which has been worn on four different evenings out already, has been treated to a quick squirt of the fabric freshener and pronounced ‘fine’.

Owner Nikki Hollis said: “This dress was expensive, so I don’t want to ruin it by disobeying the instructions. But it’s too late to get it to the dry-cleaners so I’ll just wear it filthy and pretend it’s not.

“I’ve sponged off the really obvious stains and given it a good dousing with Febreze, so it’s basically as good as new. Nobody’s going to be leaning in and sniffing.

“After tonight I’ll definitely take it to the dry-cleaners, even though I resent the cost and don’t really understand or trust how they work.”

The underlying fug of Hollis’s dress, clearly detectable in the taxi there, will gradually be replaced by new odours over the course of the evening including korma, gin cocktail, cigar smoke and the desperation of a man grinding against it on a crowded dancefloor.

The dress will then be Fabrezed and worn one more time before being replaced with a new dress for the Christmas party season, because dry-cleaning is too much trouble.