Dungarees still not good

DUNGAREES have never been good and they never, ever will be, it has been confirmed.

The denim bib-and-brace overalls have long been popular with ironic students and children’s TV presenters, but remain in no danger of gaining mainstream acceptance because they are ridiculous.

Normal clothes wearer, Nikki Hollis, said: “I once saw an adult man walking through town wearing dungarees as if it were the most normal thing in the world and not deeply weird.

“At first I thought he must’ve been a 1920s New York construction worker who had fallen through a time hole. Then I realised he’d probably just got off a train from Brighton.”

Hollis added: “It’s not even as if they’ve come full circle and somehow become cool again. They’re just the early warning sign of a mid-life crisis.”

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Cat with five beds prefers laptop

A CAT with five different beds has chosen to occupy a laptop computer.

Gordon, a ginger cat, decided to position himself on the laptop despite the fact it had not been on for a while and was not even warm.

Gordon’s owner, Emma Bradford said: “The five beds do not include the couch and the chairs which are essentially just massive cat beds.

“When I try to move him he is, let’s say, ‘aggressively uncooperative’. He doesn’t even look comfortable. It’s like I’m living with the DUP.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “Being a cat must be great.

“Except for when they cut your junk off. That sounds pretty rough, to be fair.”