Monday, 25th May 2020

Man had forgotten that next four months suck absolute balls

A MAN has just remembered that living in Britain between the beginning of November and the end of February is a total f**king nightmare. 

Nathan Muir, from Wallasey, who is currently freezing his ar*e off outside a distribution centre in Warrington, realised that it had somehow slipped his mind that winter is a b*llache from start to finish. 

He said: “I always knew it was cold, but not in that scrotum-tightening way my body knows when I step outside and shudder with it. And the shrinking hours of light. 

“And it just gets worse, doesn’t it? For the next four months. December’s colder then January’s colder and February’s the darkest, most miserable of them all. 

“Four months, that’s a third of the year. A third of the time living in Britain is hell. How do we consider that reasonable? 

“I’d move to LA, but I’m a shipments manager in a distribution warehouse. So I’ll just say ‘f**k this’ a lot instead.”