DOES your mum strangely think eating food in the street marks you out as incredibly common and lacking in decorum? Here are some things that will bring out her raging inner snob.
Perfectly normal housing estates
Even if they’re full of pricey £200k+ properties thanks to the deranged property market, your mum will still turn her nose up at them. Eye-wateringly expensive commuter homes are also vulgar. And if any house has a trampoline, the front garden may as well be full of old fridges, beer cans and feral ASBO children.
Eating on the street, apart from fish and chips
And then only at the seaside when on holiday. The only other type of outdoor food consumption that is allowed is a picnic, but that requires plates, cutlery and napkins and she can’t ever be bothered with all that annoying faff, the hypocrite.
Not drinking the last inch of your tea
‘Why won’t you drink it, it’s not like we use tea leaves?’ she’ll say inexplicably, even though the only people who do use tea leaves nowadays are dreary tea buffs. This snobbery is probably inherited from her own grandma who was alive when tea bags were futuristic inventions for the gentry.
Watching telly during the day
TV should only be watched between the hours of 6pm and 11pm and you must solemnly watch the news. If she ever found out you’d skived off work and spent hours watching shit like This Morning and Loose Women you would be disowned quicker than if you’d got a tattoo. Although she may have a point with Jeremy Kyle.
The name Maxine
Your mum has a list of names she considers common as long as her arm, especially now people name their kids after things like bottles of wine and places they’ve had sex. However, nothing tops Maxine as the most common name ever, for reasons you can only guess at.