Saturday, 4th April 2020

Experts confirm most gruelling exercise is 'shopping for jeans'

FITNESS experts and scientists have unanimously decided that the hardest exercise a human can do is going round the shops trying on new jeans. 

Even compared to the latest ‘tough’ fitness regimes, nothing is more punishing than spending all afternoon getting in and out of denim trousers in small changing rooms.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Top athletes were made to do activities such as boxing training, running 100-mile ultramarathons and shopping for jeans.

“In terms of calories burned and mental strain, trying on numerous pairs of jeans left all the athletes physically and mentally drained, with one needing medical help.

“It looks easy but after the fifth shop and the relentless routine of taking off your existing jeans to try yet another pair and them all looking terrible you’re totally ground down.”

Marathon runner Wayne Hayes said: “Trying on jeans works out the entire body, but it’s coming out of the cubicle and getting grudging feedback from your bored partner that breaks you.

“Skinny fit is the worst. That’s why shop assistants say ‘Are you alright in there?’. It’s in case you’ve died from shopping for jeans exhaustion.”