Wednesday, 30th September 2020

Falling asleep on sofa linked to being a great lover

PEOPLE who fall asleep on the sofa with the TV are likely to be exceptional lovers, research has found. 

A study has proved that people who regularly nod off in the living room tend to have ‘pure dynamite in their loins’ and the sexual prowess of ‘10 lust-crazed lions in mating season’.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “It is a misconception that sofa snoozers are sleep-farting their way through life.

“Our research discovered that their sexual appetite is so powerful and their animal energy so intense that they need to switch off from it completely every evening after dinner or risk burning out.”

Roy Hobbs, who has fallen asleep on the sofa between 9pm and 10pm every night since 2004, said: “I’m slumped, head back, mouth gaping open, snoring heavily and dribbling down my chin, because otherwise my erotic charge would reach hazardous levels.”

Wife Dawn confirmed:  “Our evenings together are like one long tantric sex session, endlessly delaying the climax. Often with a half-done Sudoku on my lap.”