Woman posting motivational quotes from bed

A WOMAN is posting inspirational, motivational quotes on social media from under the duvet where she has been for 16 hours. 

Joanna Kramer, 36, regularly takes to Facebook and Instagram to share pictures of sunsets captioned with messages about positive living, while festering in a stained onesie with matted hair.

She said: “I’ve just posted ‘Push yourself because if you don’t, no-one else is going to do it for you’. Then I let out a big sigh and sank back into the pillows.

“Another big favourite is that Chinese one, ‘A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.’ Okay I haven’t left the house since Thursday, but that’s understandable when I need so much energy for my retweet finger.

“I’ve empowered so many people by sharing wisdom from the greats: Maya Angelou, Dolly Parton, Kourtney Kardashian.

“And they’re all the more powerful when backed by some mediocre clip art. The healing power of those pastel colours is so overwhelming, I often need a nap to digest it all.

“I may not have a job, or the ability to hold a conversation with a real person, but I once got 27 likes when I shared a Winnie the Pooh quote and that’s all the validation I need.”

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87 per cent of English people think Scotland is mythical

THE majority of English people think Scotland is a make-believe land of snow and monsters, it has emerged.

Researchers found that very few people have bothered travelling beyond Carlisle, believing that a few miles after junction 42 the M6 goes off a cliff into the sea.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “It turns out the reason Scotland is ignored by the English in everything from politics to football is because they don’t think it’s real.

“It exists in their minds as a fantastical world full of strange beasts, vicious savages and a cruel, endless winter, sort of like Game of Thrones but with Irn-Bru.

“In fact, most English people said they think Scotland is less likely to be real than Harry Potter, The Dark Crystal, Terry Pratchett books and every single Disney film ever made.

“If you point it out on a map they’ll say there must have been a printing error. They refuse to accept it exists, even if you offer them a Tunnock’s Tea Cake.”

Glasgow resident Tom Logan said: “Thank f*ck for that. We don’t want them all coming here when they realise England has gone tits up.”