Family spend 30 grand on camping gear for 'cheaper holidays'

A FAMILY who bought a tent to save money have been forced to blow their life savings on all the fucking equipment you need to go with it.

The Sheridan family of Norwich bought a family-sized tent in the Argos sale before realising they would also need the outdoor supplies of a small army.

Donna Sheridan said: “We’ve had to buy beds, cooking gear, cool boxes, sleeping bags, windbreakers, chairs, table, torches and lots more. It feels like an odd way to save money.

“Then we had to buy a secondhand camper van because there was no bloody way it would all fit in the car. Still, at least there’s somewhere to put the mountain bikes. I feel sick thinking how much they cost.

“I’ve been totting it up and once you add in the pitch fees, electric hook-up fees and parking fees I’m pretty sure we could have had more trips to Disneyland than Mickey Mouse.

“Camping had better be bloody excellent. We’ve never actually done it before.”

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Five excellent Friday timewasting tips

IT’S the last day of a gruelling week and you’re not doing any work as a point of principle, but the day is crawling by. Try these timewasting tips to make the day go faster.

Get into an argument

It can be a colleague, it can be a client, or if nobody’s taking the bait in real life find some twat on the internet. Either way the initial row followed by hours of brooding about it and trying to get indifferent colleagues to back you up will mean it’s 5pm before you know it!

Go to see HR

You can make an appointment with HR at any time without specifying why, and they have to listen to whatever you tell them but they’re not allowed to tell anyone else. Get in there and make up some rumours about colleagues, or just have a good moan about Game of Thrones.

Write up everybody’s action points

Two months ago you were arbitrarily put in charge of taking notes at a meeting, including everyone’s action points. Nobody expected you to actually do it, so this afternoon send all attendees a detailed list of actions they promised to undertake but haven’t. Copy the boss in.

Have sexual fantasies about any colleagues you haven’t ‘done’ yet

Methodically go through all your colleagues you haven’t fantasised about yet and try to imagine an erotic scenario. As you’ve already done the attractive ones this will be quite a challenge and will fill the whole day.

Spend a few hours buying tickets online

As everyone knows, you don’t have to do any work if you’re buying tickets online. It’s just an unwritten office rule. If there’s no one you particularly want to see just have a massive browse. If you accidentally buy tickets for the Spice Girls, you can always just put them in the bin.