Tuesday, 7th July 2020

Family visiting seaside remember why they stopped going

A FAMILY that decided to go to the seaside for the first time in years were quickly reminded that Britain’s coastal towns are dilapidated shitholes.

The Johnson family sat in gridlock for three hours so they could enjoy a day trip to a crowded estuary beach, only to pack up and leave within minutes of laying out their towels because it was too miserable to endure.

Francesca Johnson said: “We thought the tacky English seaside vibe would be fun in an ironic way, but all it did was confirm that we’ve been doing the right thing by spending our holidays in Tuscany.

“We’d planned to have some quality family time building sand castles and swimming in the sea. Instead we bonded by looking out for syringes and throwing rocks at seagulls to keep them away from our food.”

Husband Tom said: “There’s not much to do at the beach apart from gaze off into the middle distance and contemplate the futility of life. And I already get enough of that through work.

“I was hoping a shark would eat someone just to liven things up.”