THINK cats and dogs are too pedestrian to match your fascinating personality? Get one of these animals to demonstrate just how insufferable you are.
Humans are supposed to have an innate fear of creatures that appear potentially venomous, so show people how double-extra-hard you are by having a massive, hairy spider as a pet. While you think it’s a fascinating talking point, anyone who visits you at home will be legitimately terrified and leave as quickly as possible.
‘Oh look, that man’s got a sausage dog. Wait, why is it crawling up his trouser leg? Oh Christ, it’s a ferret on a lead. What an absolute twat.’ This will be the thought process of every single passer-by who spots you taking your vicious little weasel out for a walk. Enjoy.
Think owning a snake will make you seem wild and free-spirited, like Ozzy Osbourne before he became a reality TV fossil? Well, it won’t. It will make you seem like a psychopath. Thanks to Matilda, your 10-foot long boa constrictor, you’ll end up living alone, endlessly cleaning out giant tanks full of reptile shit.
An animal that you’ve solely bought to exhibit on Instagram. Who wouldn’t love such an adorable little pet? Well, it will certainly look cute to your online followers, but they don’t have to live with a farm animal stinking up their house. Plus, pigs can keep growing up to the age of six, so that micro pig might end up massive.
Is it a fish? Is it a lizard? Is it a Pokémon character magically made flesh? Who knows, and you won’t have time to think about it because you’ll be spending all your time desperately peering at your aquarium thermometer to make sure this incredibly high-maintenance little beast doesn’t get too hot or cold and expire.