Fish pedicures, and other stuff that vanished without you noticing

FISH pedicures were everywhere, until they vanished so thoroughly you feel crazy for insisting they existed. Along with these former commonplaces:

Car anti-static strips

In the late 80s and early 90s, Britain was very conscious of the dangers of static build-up. We’d all seen neighbours launched 15ft into the air from the static charge of a Ford Granada. So we all affixed short trailing strips to the back of our cars to earth them. And, at some unspecified point, each of us individually realised this was bollocks.

Fish pedicures

Those years when fish would eat dead skin off your feet in a shopping mall feel like an intrusion from another reality. You wouldn’t have believed it beforehand and you don’t believe it happened now. And it turns out disgusting warm tubs of fish in a former Dolcis aren’t that safe and you could get hep C.


Tech experts were sceptical when the iPad was launched. ‘What’s the point?’ they said, as we bought them and loved them in our tens of millions. We never admitted the experts were right. We just quietly never replaced them or gave them to kids.

Pulled pork

Just a few years ago we insisted our pork was pulled. Nobody would go near unpulled pork. Did the pandemic kill it? Will it come up at the Covid inquiry? Nowadays we don’t give a shit, a great relief for those who never knew what pulling pork involved and it was too late to ask.

In-flight entertainment

Describing a crap Drew Barrymore romcom as ‘the kind of film you watch on a plane’ still makes sense, just about, even though all those tiny seatback screens vanished, unnoticed and unmourned, about a decade or so ago. Along with ten million pairs of crappy airplane headphones that we’ve thoughtfully buried in landfill for future generations.

School Discos

Not the actual thing for actual kids, but men and women dressing as schoolchildren, getting pissed and snogging each other, which is so psychologically transparent the 00s phenomenon presumably died of shame. Were you unpopular at school? Are you trying to make up for it? Is this a distinctly noncey concept for a night out?

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Mum who stayed at home to watch her children grow up not enthused so far

A WOMAN who quit her job so she ‘wouldn’t miss a moment’ of her children growing up has observed that most of those moments appear to be incredibly tedious.

Emma Bradford decided to put her career on pause so she could dedicate herself to making memories with her kids, but so far they mainly consist of sitting in soft play areas reading the news on her phone.

Bradford said: “I’m confused. Before I got pregnant I was told being a stay-at-home mum is the biggest job anyone can have. But I think when I was a VP at JP Morgan it was a bit bigger, to be honest.

“People said that I wouldn’t want to miss a second of the wonder of watching my children develop, but it seems they were all talking out of their arses. Where’s the wonder in sitting through multiple episodes of Peppa Pig and wiping stewed apple off a rug?

“I should probably have done it the other way round. Stay in work until they reach 16, when they can hold a conversation that doesn’t involve asking ‘Why?’ 3,000 times in a row.

“Everyone says they grow up so fast, but if that’s true why does every day feel like a whole f**king week?”