HAVE you suffered all your life from being a bit of a nerd? Here are the childhood influences that condemned you to a life of dorkiness.
Being shit at sport
Whether football or netball, a lack of aptitude for sport forced you into other pursuits. Soon you devoted your energies to being good at maths or reading The Tripods. There was now no way back to normality.
A generation of normal children was lost to 2000AD. Now, aged 40+, you still have a comprehensive knowledge of not only Judges Dredd, Death and Anderson, but also Rogue Trooper’s travails on the Dix-I front and Skizz, if you remember that. Victims should band together and sue Tharg, but that would not be zarjaz.
With games and trading cards, the addictive Pokemon universe sucked you in. Despite getting older, there were fresh temptations like Pokemon GO and the vast range of cute merchandise/tat. It may even have served as a gateway drug to other Japanese nerdiness, and you now have a vast collection of incomprehensible manga films.
Glasses are cooler now, but the NHS versions of the past made you look like a Thunderbirds puppet or Adrian Mole. They certainly didn’t scream ‘Invite me to a cool teenage party!’ where you could get wasted on someone’s dad’s unwanted homebrew. Socially isolated, apart from your friends at computer club, you accepted your destiny as a nerd.
Nothing has so completely sealed your fate as a geek as Doctor Who. It’s well over 30 years since Tom Baker or Peter Davison and shonky effects like the Myrka, but to this day you still watch the latest series in the hope that it will get better. And you’re genuinely upset about the rewriting of the history of Gallifrey. But rightly so.