LOOKING for a budget holiday this year? Here are five places you hypothetically could fly to on the cheap, though f**k knows why you’d want to:
Desperate to visit the Emerald Isle but only have a tenner to spend? Then take a flight to Knock at the arse-end of Ireland. All the suspiciously cheap Irish airlines travel there, so you’ll be spoilt for choice when it comes to finding a flight offering a whole 500g of baggage allowance and 10cm of leg room.
If Ireland is a little too exotic for your taste, you’ll simply love Aberdeen. It’s cold, miserable, ugly and weirdly expensive because of all the oil money, and you’ll feel guilty because a domestic flight adds considerable weight to your carbon footprint. It also means you don’t get the benefit of driving through any nice bits of Scotland.
Apart from the Leaning Tower (which is rammed full of tourists trying to get the same stupid photo for their social media) there’s f**k all happening in Pisa, meaning you’ll be bored shitless after about three hours. However, if you’re too stingy to spend an extra £20 to visit somewhere stunningly beautiful like Florence, you deserve all you get.
If your dream when hopping on a plane is to arrive in a place with lots of angry, sunburnt British people, then fly straight into Malaga. The airport will be swarming with tourists and the bleak sight of a thousand identical holiday apartments as you drive along the coast will make you wish you’d stayed at home, where the temperature is about the same and you don’t have to visit an Irish bar.
Poland’s reputation as the ideal destination for dodgy stag-dos has made getting there on a shoestring easier than ever, meaning it’s now even worse than Amsterdam or Prague. Enjoy sharing your aisle with Gazza, Bazza, Steve and a blow-up doll the air stewards refuse to confiscate because it’s not worth getting punched over.