WANT to spend your Easter weekend dragging the kids round underwhelming activities while getting ripped off? Go to these places.
At first the whole family will be on a high as you gaze at the animals. But you’ll soon realise there are only six of them and all they do is stand around looking depressed and emitting the odd bleat of despair. The real highlight will be a stale slice of cake in an overpriced cafe that stinks of shit.
You’ll spend your time exhausting yourself as you try to convince your bored children that visiting a museum about lawnmowers or pencils was a good idea. You won’t have a single second to take in any of the punishingly dull information yourself, and the whole day will be a grim death march towards the inevitable tantrum in the gift shop.
If your idea of fun is standing shoulder-to-shoulder with other largely naked parents in piss-filled waters, this is the day out for you. Other high points include wrestling your kids in and out of their swimming gear, being permanently on edge that there might be an accident, and feeling a verruca starting to form on your foot. All for the best part of 20 quid.
National Trust property
The weather will screw over your plans to stroll around a Tudor garden, so you’ll eat your picnic in the car instead. Eventually you’ll be forced to explore the stately home which is too boring for anyone to appreciate, and if things brighten up you’ll spend the afternoon in a playground telling your kids ‘We really have to leave now’ 300 times.
A trip to the theme park combines the thrill of taking your bickering family on a 100-mile drive with the joy of repeatedly standing in a queue for 90 minutes. And just when you get round to the one ride you’ve been looking forward to, your kid will chicken out and you’ll be forced to bow out yourself.