YOU only went shopping today, but most of your food has already mysteriously disappeared. Here are five telltale signs some git has been foraging through your fridge.
Shelving chaos
You take great care when restocking the fridge to ensure meat and dairy go on separate shelves, and fruit and salad go in their respective drawers. Now it looks like a pissed bear has been sniffing around and helped itself. Your neatly arranged system has come crashing down and there are bite marks in everything. Correction. Everything except the fruit and salad.
Open wrappers and seals
In the feeding frenzy, the raider has clumsily ripped open wrappers and carelessly cast aside plastic seals. The half-eaten packet of cooked ham you were looking forward to has already started to go a bit stale, and even the Baybel wax cover has got teeth marks in it. Don’t even give the leaking carton of milk a sniff test. It’s cheese now. Pour it away.
Dirty cutlery
In their haste to construct some form of sandwich, the looter has left cutlery lying around caked in a baffling array of spreads, conserves and cheeses. What sort of foul beast man would be gross enough to have a layer of Nutella, then soft cheese, then Nutella again? Then there’s the teaspoon slathered in mustard sat in a pot of fat-free yoghurt, which for the sake of your sanity you should ignore.
The smell
A raided fridge will give your nose an olfactory overload. Your offended sense of smell will not know whether to start with the pungent whiff of canned tuna, the stench of stale mayonnaise, or the foul odour of boiled eggs. Luckily this will distract you from your sense of touch, which would otherwise be repulsed by all the disgusting, sticky handprints on the fridge door.
Incriminating clothing
Just as a love rat is betrayed by lipstick on a shirt collar, a fridge raider gives themselves away via suspicious splotches and food stains. Curiously these will match all of the items missing from your fridge, but what’s more bizarre is that they didn’t wash their clothing themselves. It’s like the greedy f**ker wanted to get caught as part of their sick game.
