THE cost-of-living crisis isn’t all bad news, except for the Tories. It’s a cast-iron excuse to get out of these obligations:
Expensive date nights
Taking your other half out for a meal and a trip to the cinema isn’t cheap, and when it’s twice a year it adds up. But in this crisis there’s no way you can justify a Nando’s and a Meerkat Movies. Date night is now staying home and eating toast, and if your partner starts whingeing, cock an eyebrow towards the energy meter.
Getting a round in
Buying a round used to be an efficient way of ordering alcoholic drinks that didn’t break the bank. But thanks to soaring inflation rates it nudges you perilously close to falling below the poverty line, so your mates will have to get them in for the foreseeable future. You wish there was another way but that’s just how it is. Your hands are tied.
Seeing relatives
Your parents would love to see you, but they live 45 minutes away. And with diesel at £1.81 a litre that’s going to cost you £11 each way even if there isn’t any traffic, which isn’t sustainable just to hear two old people moaning about the ITV daytime schedule. It’s purely based on economics, mum.
Weddings
The rip-off of weddings aren’t confined to the happy couple and the big day. Guests are forced to spend hundreds on the stag and hen do, buy a present, buy clothes, get to wherever quaint venue the bullshit’s happening and stay the f**king night. Return the wedding invite with your most recent electricity bill stapled to it. They’ll get the message.
Buying healthy food
Healthy food costs a fortune and tastes like shit. McDonald’s fries or a Greggs sausage roll are delicious and give you enough change from a fiver for Haribo Starmix. The nutritional value is zero, but they stave off hunger pangs way better than an M&S sushi roll.
