Friend can remember your grebo phase

YOUR friend remembers that you used to have long greasy hair and listened to Ned’s Atomic Dustbin and has the photos to prove it.

Longtime pal Tom Booker is not buying how you appear to have matured into a functional member of society because he can still recall how you proudly did nothing during your adolescence while wearing awful army surplus clothing.

He said: “Responsible office job, lovely wife and kids, five-star Uber rider rating? You’re not fooling me. I remember the real you.

“Cast your mind back to December 1989. A little four-piece called The Wonder Stuff were playing at the Aston Villa Leisure Centre. We were right there with tickets purchased with our dole money, or have you forgotten your roots?

“It was pre-grunge. Before all the Britpop bullshit. You were convinced that the Stourbridge sound was going to change music forever. Now look at you. I bet you don’t even remember Scum Pups.

“How can a man who said God Fodder was the best album of 1991 now have a sensible haircut and contents insurance? Were you faking it all along or did the pressures of adult life make you sell out?”

He added: “You used to be a grebo, man, but now you’re just a townie.”

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Russian not sure if he'll even vote because 'they're all the bloody same'

A RUSSIAN man has admitted he does not see the point of voting in the presidential election because it never makes a difference anyway.

Ballots opened today, but Vitaly Kantorovich of Volgograd has still not decided if he will even bother because ‘no matter what you do, the same people get in’.

He continued: “I don’t want to be all ‘wake up sheeple’ but come on. Pretty clear at this point that you’re not going to get meaningful change from elections. It’s just an illusion to keep the masses happy.

“Who are even the candidates? Slutsky, Davankov, Kharitonov: they all talk a good game, but look at their policies and they’re virtually the same as the Kremlin’s. Everyone’s singing from the same hymnsheet, so why bother?

“Honestly, I wonder if democracy is worth it. We might be better off with some form of dictatorship where a strong leader’s free to make decisions, rather than chasing popularity and paying lip service to ‘the will of the people’.”

Kantorovich added: “You know what, I’ll probably vote Putin. He comes across really well on the telly.”