COLLECTING useless tat in the delusion that it will be worth a fortune one day? You’d have been better investing in a nightly takeaway than this crap:
They’re ugly and they watch you from their shelf, but you’ve convinced yourself that a big-headed black costume Spider-Man should be preserved for posterity. They may represent every franchise on Earth in dizzyingly weird variants but that doesn’t mean they’re worth shit. Future archaeologists will think they were our gods and, to be honest, we deserve that.
Adele on vinyl
Vinyl thinks it’s cool again but can’t escape that it’s a shitty way to store music. In two decades hipsters will be bored of self-indulgently twirling their moustaches over their record players and remember that newer, better technology was invented. The charity shops will be choked with copies of 30.
If you’re buying one of these you don’t know what it is but missed out on Bitcoin and some tech influencer convinced you this will hack the future instead. Don’t bother learning what they are, it doesn’t matter. The only non-fungible item in high demand in 2042 will be Canesten.
Your garage is lined with boxed original limited edition Air Jordans in one-of-a-kind colourways. You’ve never worn them. Neither will anyone, because after your death your kids will try to cash in, discover all the other sneakerheads’ families have done the same, and your worthless shoes will go straight to landfill.
The painstaking effort that goes into painting these delicate tiny figures, and their sheer cost, should really give them some value. No, though. Anyone conned into squinting lovingly at their Adeptus Arbites has been sorely misled and will have to be gently reintroduced to the outside world once again.
A one-of-a-kind Mickey Mouse animation cel from the 2015 animation Goofy’s Grandma? Wow, You know he’s out of copyright next year? Anyone can use him. He’ll be appearing as Hey Duggee’s sidekick.