Gay man on hen do would like to go home now

A GAY man attending a friend’s hen party has had more than enough of this now, it has been confirmed. 

Nathan Muir came along to Donna Sheridan’s hen do in Cardiff on the basis that it would be ‘a right laugh’ but has instead spent the entire evening horrified at what women do when alone.

He said: “Just because I like cock doesn’t mean I want to drink a mimosa through a miniature plastic one.

“I’m mates with her fiance Andy as well, but I thought this would be more fun than paintballing. Instead I’m painting a ceramic willy mug I made in a Pottery & Prosecco session.

“The head bridesmaid made me pay £15 for a personalised and frankly offensive ‘BUMBOY’ sash, and tonight everyone’s getting shellac nails. Which sound fairly permanent and I’m at Spurs on Thursday.

“There’s still a day-and-a-half left and there’s a penis life-drawing class, a penis ring-toss and a penis-themed baking competition still to go. And the strippers.

“I’m up to my eyeballs in penis. It’s like Berlin 2017 all over again.”

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Man seductively orders second cheapest bottle of wine at restaurant

A MAN has attempted to impress his date by ordering a bottle of wine from one place above the bottom of a restaurant’s wine list. 

Martin Bishop was convinced his date Eleanor Shaw would immediately fall for his charms, after he proved himself a sophisticated man who knows there is more to wine than ‘red’, ‘white’ and ‘pink’.

Bishop said: “Women like blokes who know about wine, so I knew I’d be onto a winner if I didn’t just immediately go for the sort of bog standard fiver bottle I shove in the trolley at Asda.

“I’d already impressed her with a box of Thorntons Continental rather than Dairy Box, so really this was the icing on the cake.

“Weirdly she didn’t actually want to have sex with me at the end of the date, but perhaps she was intimidated by my worldly ways. There is such a thing as being too classy.”

Shaw said: “Despite the fact that Martin spent a whole three extra quid on the wine, it still tasted vile and couldn’t stop him from being a total creep.

“Shame. If he’d gone for two bottles of the cheapest he might have been in with a chance.”