Thursday, 15th April 2021

Getting letters, and other things that become shit when you grow up

GETTING a letter as a kid was incredibly exciting, but when you’re grown up it’s most likely to be a council tax bill. So what other things lose their magic when you grow up?

Getting a letter

Getting post as a child usually meant it was your birthday and the envelope would contain the astronomical sum of £5 from a relative who couldn’t be arsed to buy you a present. Now it’s more likely to be a bill or a summons to do jury duty on a boring fraud case.

The top 40

You used to spend Sunday night glued to the top 40, fingers poised to press the record button. Now if you happen to catch it you’re perplexed by the strange collection of noises that are currently considered ‘music’ and quickly switch over to the safety of Radio 2.

Answering the phone

As a child, answering the phone was a thrill, even if it was just reciting your whole telephone number to the person who’d dialled the wrong number. How times have changed. Today you’ll avoid answering it like the plague as it will either be a PPI scam or an ex who wants to remind you you’re a twat.

Cooking

Being allowed to cook a meal as a kid gave you access to exciting things like sharp knives and flames. As an adult, feeding yourself every day is just a massive chore and you’ll probably make do with toast for the ninth evening running.

Going to a theme park

Alton Towers was basically Shangri-La when you were a child, a magical wonderland of fun and adventure. Now the thought of going on a rollercoaster makes you want to vomit and you understand why your parents were reluctant to waste a couple of hundred quid on feeling sick.