Monday, 25th May 2020

Global warming is excellent, sunbather tells other morons

A WOMAN has actually told her friends that climate change is fine because she has already got a tan in May.

During a sunbathing session, Emma Bradford and other tanning twats agreed that the destruction of the planet is worth it to get a healthy glow slightly earlier in the year.

Bradford, 25, said: “I’m getting a tan, showing off my tits, drinking an Aperol Spritz and it’s not even June. Tell me that’s a bad thing.

“Heatwaves that won’t end, skin cancer, flooding becoming the norm by 2070 – it’s all government lies to stop us taking long lunch breaks in the park.

“Yes, a lot of people are opposed to global warming, but that’s probably because they’re not beach body ready.”

However climate scientist Professor Carolyn Ryan said: “Of course you’re going to like global warming if your main priority in life is getting a thigh gap.

“Let’s see how much they love it when they’re battling it out for scraps of food in a giant dust bowl armed only with a pair of flip flops and a copy of Hello! magazine.

“Although to be fair I too would like to see a horrific natural apocalypse with a giant flaming methane ball turning these idiots into human Frazzles.”