Gluten-free brownies mostly compost

GLUTEN-free brownies contain the same ingredients as a bag of old, dried up compost from B&Q, it has been confirmed.  

A gluten-free bakery confirmed they bulk buy massive sacks of compost and cut them into wedges with a trowel.

A source said: “We used to use actual ingredients to create brownies, but our customers have been unable to taste the difference. In fact, some have praised them as being some of the moistest brownies available to the gluten-free market.

“Our secret is to add a bit of rainwater and serve them on a fancy plate or stone slab, depending on how pretentious we’re feeling – and what they’ve got available at the garden centre.”

The source added: “You should try our gluten-free ‘chocolate pies’.”

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Passengers desperate to know backstory of bus drivers who didn't wave to each other

BUS passengers have been speculating on a breach of protocol after two bus drivers failed to wave to each other.

The drivers passed each other in Stevenage without exchanging the customary wave in what is believed is the first instance of a ‘cold pass’ since 1973.

Passenger Helen Archer said: “We didn’t believe it at first. People were looking around to see if we’d all seen the same thing.

“I can only imagine they were in a relationship that ended in infidelity, or that their families have a blood feud dating back centuries.”

Norman Steele was standing at the front of the bus when the incident occurred. He said: “I had the best view on the whole bus, and I can say categorically that there was no wave.

“I wish I’d had my phone out. I think one of them must have reneged on a business deal, costing the other their life savings and plunging them into a world of debt and despair.”

Bus driver Susan Traherne said: “I didn’t wave at him because I think he’s a dick.”