MIDDLE-AGED men have admitted that that urinating while wearing light-coloured trousers is guaranteed to end in disaster.
Even those in their early 40s have been dismayed to find that going for a wee is no longer the seamless, decisive operation it once was.
Stephen Malley said: “I honestly hoped it would be another couple of decades before I spent most of my days covered in my own urine. Sadly, I was wrong.
“Once the last candle had been blown out on my 40th birthday cake, I suddenly lost all ability to not dribble wee over myself after any toilet trip.
“Grey sweatpants, or anything light really, are playing with fire. Thankfully I can get away with being covered in piss-stains during lockdown. I’ve no need to impress anyone at home and my wife knows what she signed up for.”
Fellow middle-aged man Martin Bishop, 44, said: “Want some advice? Wear black, yeah? Hides the stains.
“If I do end up covered in my own piss, I want it to be between me, my damp underwear, and a pair of trousers dark enough to conceal my shame.”