Helmet won’t protect middle-aged skateboarder from shame

A SAFETY helmet will not protect a man from the shame of taking up a child’s hobby at the age of 42, it has emerged.

Office manager Tom Logan spent £180 on safety equipment but nothing will shield him from the looks of contempt from his family and society in general.

Logan said: “It’s a great crowd at the skatepark. I’ve even made friends with Tommo the drug dealer, although after just one toke of his weed it took me four hours to locate my Audi estate.

“The teenagers have been lovely. They’ve totally taught me the skateboarder’s code of going to corner shop to buy everyone some cider.

“I’ve discovered you need zen-like composure for ‘boarding’, so I hate those little shits whizzing around on micro-scooters now.

“Not cool guys, not cool.”

Logan’s daughter Emily, 14, said: “I thought he’d already had his childhood. We love him but we’re all hoping for quite a bad accident.”