How are you avoiding getting a round in?

NOT getting rounds in means you can enjoy all the fun of the pub with none of the expense. So what are the best ways to avoid putting your hand in your pocket? Read our guide.

Go to the toilet when it’s your round

Unfortunately this technique is well-known, so you’ll need an excuse. Say you’ve got a very weak bladder and frequently wet yourself, your bed and public transport. The chances of pulling anyone you fancy will now be zero, but saving £12.50 is what counts.

Claim a loved one has died

As your round approaches, check your phone and exclaim, ‘Oh no! Uncle Peter’s dead!’. No one will expect you to buy drinks and you can ask for expensive brandies to help you get over the ‘shock’.

Find weird distractions

Suddenly find something of extreme interest elsewhere in the pub, eg. historical prints. Say you’ve always been ‘fascinated’ by bottle kilns, even if this makes you the strangest 25-year-old on the planet.

Say you were mugged in the toilets

Claim someone pulled a knife on you and took your cards and cash. When your companions insist on telling the bar staff and calling 999, cynically say, “What’s the point? The police don’t do anything these days.”

Switch to soft drinks

After a few rounds, switch to soft drinks. No one will expect you to get a big round in if you’re drinking orange squash. Then be a devious bastard and switch back to alcoholic drinks whenever someone else is paying, saying, “I suppose one more beer wouldn’t hurt.”

Text in a bomb scare to the pub

Deeply irresponsible but will definitely get you out of buying a round. Strong possibility of a custodial sentence but everything in prison is free which will really save you some money.

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Trump promises to visit Macron in 'whatever shithole country he comes from'

DONALD Trump has promised to visit Emmanuel Macron in ‘whatever the hell shithole of a country he comes from’, the White House has confirmed.

Trump, who is hosting the French President at the White House, said he would love to see Macron’s ‘complete shithole’ adding: “Even if it’s in Africa.”

A White House insider said: “The President said we should have pizza for dinner with Mr Macron tonight as it would make him feel right at home.

“Then he added, ‘a roast dinner, that’s what they call it over there, isn’t it?’ We’ll have one of those too’.

“So it was a roast dinner for starters, pizza for the main and a Paella for dessert.

“Then he asked Madame Macron to do a traditional ‘rain dance’.”

A spokesman for the French President said: “It’s gone a lot better than we expected.”