AS if being alone wasn’t bleak enough, the cost of living crisis is making your single person’s shopping basket look even sadder with these items:
Half bottle of wine
You can see the pity on the cashier’s face as he looks at the tiny bottle of cheap white wine and realises you can’t even afford to get properly pissed anymore. And, ultimately, it wasn’t the frugal act you believed it to be, as it tasted of Um Bongo and bleach and you ended up pouring it down the sink.
Two rolls of cheap toilet paper
Nothing screams ‘I live alone!’ like buying a minimal amount of toilet paper, but what’s worse is that you can’t even afford the self-care your bum deserves anymore in the form of the high-quality quilted stuff. At least you haven’t yet resorted to newspaper, like your weird Uncle Roy did during lockdown.
Store-brand condoms
Not even a cost of living crisis can curb your dreams of not being single forever, despite the fact that the current state of your love life puts condoms in the ‘luxuries’ rather than ‘necessities’ column of your household finances sheet. You still decant them into a Durex box when you get home, though, as hope springs eternal within you.
Discount microwave meal
Somehow, an ultra-processed microwaveable meal has remained in the supermarket long enough to approach its best before date, which you snaffle for yourself after intimidating an old lady who was also hovering around. It will be disgusting, but it’s cheap, and you’d welcome a few days off work if you do end up contracting salmonella.
A cookbook of cheap meals for one
You think you’ve cracked the system by purchasing a recipe book that will help you cook budget-friendly, delicious meals. However, due to the hundreds of frozen pizzas you’ve bought from this very Tesco Metro over the years, both you and the cashier know you can’t cook. All you’ve done is spunked £9.99 up the wall. Bravo.
