BRITAIN? Nowhere better for a holiday, if they’d get rid of those goddamn windmills. And thanks to me beating Iran, you’ll have the greatest UK break. Here’s how:
No Iranians
Can’t get on the golf course? Because Iranians have taken the best tee times. Waiting an hour in line to scream in the face of a Berenstain Guard? All the Iranians are ahead of you. That won’t happen this summer, because I’ve closed the Strait of Hormuz so they can’t leave. The sun loungers on Blackpool beach will be yours to bake on.
No Europeans
I hate Europeans, which is to say Muslims because Islam has taken over the entire continent with the white race hiding in the woods. But good news is they won’t be able to fly just like you can’t because oil’s gone up which is great for the US and great for you. And we can send Tommy Robinson back, I don’t want to meet him, he’s low class.
No tanning
I myself, owning beachfront property with a lease on the same in Gaza, am always naturally bronzed and my eyes are naturally white. But that’s Trump’s thing. You can’t be be tan so a holiday in the UK where the sun hides is perfect for you to remain white, the best colour, the greatest colour for you.
No ice cream
No oil means no generators means no ice cream, which is fantastic because all the ice-cream’s for me. I have two scoops. Aides tell me ice-cream isn’t like gold and there isn’t a limited supply of it, I don’t listen. Anyway it’s great because now you won’t drop your ice-cream and cry and vow vengeance on everyone, which happened to me aged seven.
You are permitted to gaze at America
Lucky you, because if you go to the West coast of your loser country with no Navy, you may gaze upon the magnificence of the US. You can see the gold glint of Trump Tower from across the Atlantic, and there’s currently no fee for doing so. You’ll never get there. The Titanic sank, just like I warned everybody beforehand that it would.
I will give your King some corn
King Charles, great personal friend of mine, we like each other a lot, is coming to visit me next week. And to show there’s no hard feelings from you cowards not standing up to tyranny I’m giving him ten tonnes of American corn to distribute. You guys don’t have corn because it’s ours, but you’ll like it a lot. One kernel each, Christians only.
