Monday, 25th May 2020

How to appear slightly younger than you are

ARE you sad about being quite old? Here are some ways to look younger that might just convince people to knock a few years off your age. 

Be in a band

Being in a band is quite cool, even if you’re 45 and playing ‘Enter Sandman’ as if you’re headlining Reading, when in fact your actual venue is a tiny local festival full of knackered parents and their small children who are only there for the face-painting.

Take drugs but with masses of hassle getting them

Buying drugs was easy when all your friends were into E. Now find it incredibly hard to score because your best druggie mate only has a spliff as a Christmas treat and just wants to talk about finding a good local primary school.

Wear trainers

Now the dominant footwear of the entire globe, trainers are still a bit cooler than traditional leather shoes. However your coolness may be undermined when you visit your elderly parents and discover them both wearing the latest Nike Air Max because they’re ‘just so comfy when you’re doing the gardening’.

Expensive hairdressing

With more cash, you can get a far better haircut than when you were 20. Unfortunately your dated tastes will mean you come out looking like Jennifer Aniston or Paul Weller. Alternatively go for a trendy hipster hairstyle and, if male, a beard. That should fool some people from a distance.

Be into gaming 

Computer games are more sophisticated than ever before - a new, developing art form, even. Sadly you’ll still look like an adolescent loser when you try to explain the satisfaction of strategically deploying your carefully crafted space marine platoon in the Arachnoid base.