How to enjoy your holiday in a tiny, unsuitable apartment some chancer's put on Airbnb

ARE you at the mercy of someone’s desire to make a killing from their horrible, poky apartment on Airbnb? Here’s how to attempt to enjoy it regardless.

Spend no time there

It’s fine, you tell each other as you are greeted by giant cracks in the wall and a floor that slopes alarmingly, you’ll be mostly out and about enjoying the sights. Until you get tired and have to retreat, only to find that the TV doesn’t work, the electric lighting hums alarmingly and a cockroach has just scurried away under the cooker.

Enjoy meeting the locals

Staying in someone else’s home means you’ll get to meet genuine locals who will be able to give you tips on interesting places to visit and amazing restaurants that won’t be full of tourists. Oh, hold on, you just get the keys from a dusty box stuck to the door? And it’s what the rental company does with its 30 other identical apartments? OK, then.

Tell yourself it’s authentic

What could be more real than an apartment next to a real-life gambling den, where the locals yell murderously at each other under your window until 3am? Identikit chain hotels are in sanitised, out-of-town areas where you never get to know the real vibe of a city and – hang on, was that a gunshot?

Sleep a lot

Spend less time awake and the apartment won’t seem so bad. This is a great idea until you try to get to sleep in the allegedly double bed which is actually so small that your feet stick out of the end, and was clearly only put in the tiny room in an attempt to make it look bigger.

Lie in your holiday photos

The apartment may have been shit, but you don’t want your friends to know that. Take some photos from the one advantageous angle, which involves getting on top of a kitchen cabinet, share them online and watch the likes roll in. Your apartment may have been a miserable hole, but at least people on Instagram will be jealous of your amazing getaway. Which is the whole point of a holiday after all.

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Couple delighted to write off must-see TV show after 15 minutes

A COUPLE are over the moon after agreeing to give up on a major new TV series just a few minutes into episode one.

Tom and Helen Logan switched off the highly acclaimed series from a premier streaming service, thrilled that they would not have to waste 22 hours of their lives on it.

Helen Logan said: “Historically, we’ve ploughed on through any old nonsense if it means we get a solid hour or two of not speaking to each other every evening, but not this time.

“We had our fingers burned by pursuing Game of Thrones to the very end, which took the best part of a decade and had an ending that I can only describe as f**king diabolical.

“And thank god we won’t have to read plot summaries to understand what’s going on, like we did with sodding Westworld. Plus we still have The Walking Dead on the go, so we don’t have time for another show which starts out great and then goes to shit, but we refuse to abandon because we can’t overcome the sunk cost fallacy.

“What will we do with the extra time? Probably just piss it away watching Selling the OC. But at least we’ll know that’s a colossal waste of our one precious life before we start.”