Wednesday, 5th August 2020

How to make sure your staycation is as awful as your usual foreign holiday

MILLIONS of Britons will be holidaying in the UK this summer, missing out on the disappointment and inconvenience involved in travelling abroad. Here’s how to recreate it.

Mess with your body clock

Jet lag and general timezone confusion is a key part of any foreign holiday. By randomly changing the time on your phone, or setting off in the car at 3am, you can guarantee yourself some bleary-eyed days shivering around the pool at Butlin’s Minehead.

Get bitten

It isn’t a proper summer holiday until a tiny insect has eaten you alive as you enjoy an evening stroll along a beautiful beach. Thankfully, the UK has mosquito hotspots in its vast array of lakes, lochs and boggy waters, or you could just antagonise an aggressive dog into giving you a nip.

Lose your bankcard

Nothing says foreign holiday like running out of cash in the local currency or not being able to use your bank card at a restaurant. Leave your debit card on a bench and hope someone empties your account so you can spend the week on the phone to the bank.

Get lost

The best arguments happen when Brits are sweating in a hire car as they complete a third loop of the airport exit route. Try Wales for its incomprehensible road signs, and any Cornish fishing village for narrow streets where you are sure to get the car wedged or drive into a harbour.

Have breakfast at an Irish pub

Given how easy this is to do this in resort towns, it should be much simpler in the UK. However, you might need to head to Ireland to guarantee this one, or spend your holiday near a train station in central London.