GOING away this weekend? With people who earn way more than you? Survive the ordeal without losing face or going bankrupt:
Get involved
By helping to organise the weekend you can tame your rich mates’ visions of sipping champagne on the Cote d’Azur and nudge them towards something that’s in your budget like chugging sangria in your local Slug & Lettuce. When they start sharing links to luxury gites on the WhatsApp group, you can suggest a more ‘fun’ alternative like a hostel.
Travel alone
Your rich mates will think nothing of snapping up first class plane and train tickets, whereas you’re scraping together the money for an economy seat and checking to see if there’s a railcard you can use. By travelling alone you won’t have to put up with them checking on you in standard class while you question every single one of your life choices.
Don’t eat
Wealthy people like to eat out and insist on splitting the bill equally. They won’t notice that you only ate a starter or just drank tap water because the San Pellegrino they ordered costs about a third of your monthly pay packet. You can either take out a bank loan and eat like they do, or fake an illness, stay in the accommodation and stuff your face on the Mr Kipling pies you packed in your hand luggage. Choose wisely.
Beware of joint gifts
If the trip is for one of your rich mates’ birthdays, don’t agree to chip in for a joint gift. Flush bastards expect flash presents like a car or a conservatory or a vineyard, meanwhile you could just about stretch to a round of drinks, at a push. Isn’t a two-day holiday abroad enough for these f**kers, what more do they want?
Expect the worst
Lower your expectations then take them down a few more levels. That’s how bad holidaying with rich people will be. Taxis will be casually hailed, boat trips will be booked without a second thought, and spontaneous shopping sprees in designer clothes shops are guaranteed. Don’t expect your mates to bankroll you either, they didn’t get loaded by being generous.
