I watch 18 certificate films and stay up until midnight: The lies you told gullible babysitters

WERE you ever looked after by a babysitter who was barely older than you? Here are all the ways you took advantage of their naivety.

I watch 18 certificate films

Convincing your babysitter that you were a sophisticated cinephile who watched films like Se7en every other day, rather than a terrified 12-year-old who’d never watched anything scarier than Hocus Pocus, seemed like a no-brainer. Until they put on Child’s Play 3 and you spent the next three months having to sleep with the light on.

I’m allowed a beer

The only person more prone to making terrible decisions than a 14-year-old is a 16-year-old, and one of those was blithely accepting that your parents let you drink Stella on a regular basis. It was warm, tasted horrible and made you feel sick, but gave you real kudos when you told your mates at school the next day.

I stay up until midnight

Bedtime? What’s that? Your parents were far too cool to demand you be in bed with the lights off by 8.30 pm or you won’t get any pocket money. Your babysitter unquestioningly accepted that rubbish and allowed you to stay up until midnight. Unfortunately it was the 90s and the only things on telly were the news or a documentary about steam railways, but you saw it as a win nonetheless.

I don’t have to brush my teeth

Given that it was only two minutes out of your day, getting away with not brushing your teeth was a strangely big victory. The babysitter couldn’t give a toss whether you did it or not and your parents never found out, so you’re the only one who regrets it now as you sit in the dentist’s chair having yet another painful root canal filling done.

I eat crisps for dinner

Crisps are potatoes, potatoes are a vegetable, and you need five fruit or vegetables a day. Therefore, five packets of crisps are a more than adequate dinner for a growing child. You thought you’d played a clever trick on the dopey babysitter, but she didn’t care what you ate, given that she was half cut from having a sip out of every bottle in the drinks cabinet.

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