GREAT Yarmouth is practically an identical substitute for the sunny beaches of Portugal, it has told dejected UK holidaymakers.
With Portugal now on the amber list, the Norfolk seaside resort town has wasted no time in reminding Brits that its tacky, partially derelict seafront is just as good, if not better, than the stunning coastline of the Algarve.
Great Yarmouth said: “I know you’re all sad you can’t jet off to the continent, but I think you’ll find me to be a hidden gem that’s like having a little taste of Portugal right on your doorstep.
“People have tried to keep my charms under wraps by posting thousands of negative reviews on TripAdvisor, but that’s only because they want to keep the oases of Gorleston-on-Sea and Hemsby beach to themselves.
“I’m afraid Portugal can’t compete with my world-class amusement arcades. It’s noted for its grilled sardines and other seafood delicacies, but I think we’d all prefer a nice greasy saveloy from one of my many chip shops.
“Visit for yourself and you’ll see that I’m not dilapidated, just well-loved. That’s if you even get the chance to notice my decrepitude with all the fun you’ll be having at the Time and Tide Museum. It’s got old ships’ steering wheels and wicker baskets.”
The former hub of Britain’s herring industry added: “What’s Lisbon got? Just impressive landmarks like Belém Tower. I used to have the world’s worst waxworks museum.”