THERAPISTS have admitted that counselling is little more than being paid loads to listen to people slag off friends and family behind their backs.
Although it sounds worthy and admirable, therapists have revealed that their job boils down to being a sounding board for bitching for an hour then watching a massive sum of money land in their bank account.
Therapist Susan Traherne said: “We try to tart up what we do with fancy words like ‘intergenerational trauma’ and ‘inner child’ but there’s no escaping the blunt truth. We just listen to you bitch.
“Every day, from nine to five, that’s all it is. Sad acts come slouching in, spill their guts about their dad or their boss, while we patiently nod and try to look like we care.
“Occasionally we’ll pipe up with some bollocks like ‘I’m hearing a lot of shame’ but that’s just so clients don’t think we’ve zoned out. We’re careful not to offer practical advice because then people might get fixed and never come back.
“If you’ve ever listened to your mate bitch about their ex, or a colleague who got the promotion they wanted, you could be a therapist. It’s really that easy. Print off some fake certificates for your office wall and you’re good to go.”
Tom Booker from Preston said: “I work in HR, it’s pretty much the same thing.”