Last remaining mouse mat expected to fetch up to 80p at Sotheby's

THE WORLD’S last remaining mouse mat will be put up for auction this week, with experts predicting a sale price of up to 80 pence.

The mat, originally used by an accountant in Stevenage, is in ‘very good’ condition with only minor peeling to the bottom right hand corner.

Mouse mats were popular from 1998 to 2005, before people realised that rubbing your mouse over a bit of plastic was just the same as rubbing it over a desk.

In the subsequent years they have been almost totally eradicated, as they deserve.

A spokesman for auction house Sotheby’s said: “This is a very good example of the form, and it should see a price that reflects that. Certainly in excess of 50p, but definitely not more than a quid.”

Buyers are asked to register their interest this week.

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How important are you at work?

WITH so many people milling about your workplace, it’s sometimes hard to tell if you are senior or just a hapless minion. Let’s find out…

You are currently sitting:

A) In the highly democratic, open plan office space.
B) In the highly democratic, open plan office space, but the unspoken ‘special bit’ near where the CEO sits.

You contribute:

A) An absolute shitload.
B) Nothing, unless you count asking for things to be re-done in a slightly different format like a moron with too much free time.

If you tell someone they’re fired, they:

A) Snort and say ‘Piss off, you twat’.
B) Burst into tears and invite people for an emergency conference at the pub

Have you ever had gardening leave?

A) I f**king wish
B) Getting paid to not work is totally normal and totally fair on the people left to do the actual work. What do you think funded my holiday home?

Do you have your own assistant?

A) No. I did once ask Chloe to help me book a room but she gave me a Chinese burn.
B) Now you come to mention it, someone does bring me these nice green smoothies, and it’s not my wife.

Mostly As: You’re a minion, and not a fun, yellow one from those nature documentaries. Never mind, you get to be free from the stresses and strains of – oh, hold on, sorry, that’s a lot of f**king bollocks.

Mostly Bs: You are senior. Burnout is sometimes a risk at this stage, but not in your case, as you would have to work out what the f**k is actually going on.