Wednesday, 19th February 2020

Woman who wants some 'me time' admits she means w*nking

A WOMAN who told her boyfriend that she wants some time to ‘recharge her batteries’ has admitted that she just wants to have a w*nk in peace.

Nikki Hollis, 34, has tried using ‘me time’ as a euphemism to save them both the embarrassment of her confessing that she wants 10 minutes alone to rub one out, but with little success.

Hollis said: “When I started talking about ‘me time’, Tom thought I meant having a long, hot bath or writing a diary, or whatever ridiculous bullsh*t the covers of women’s magazines have led him to believe.

“He’s a nice man so he offered to light some candles or make me a hot water bottle, neither of which is necessary for me to have a quick wank and then watch the Eastenders omnibus on catch-up, so I just admitted the truth in the end.

“Unfortunately, he’s started using the phrase too. I preferred it when he just disappeared to the toilet for ages without saying anything because at least then I could pretend he was just having a massive sh*t.”