A WOMAN who decided to get out of of the capital for Easter was stunned to find that every single other London resident had the same idea.
Carolyn Ryan made the spontaneous decision to get out of the capital after hating it for months, but discovered in a six-mile M4 tailback that her idea may not have been as original as she had thought.
She said: “I thought all the other Londoners loved it. I thought I was different.
“But no, as it turns out all it takes is four consecutive days off work and the entire population of the city makes a desperate dash for green spaces and freedom. Simultaneously.
“It’s already a real change us all being crammed into nose-to-tail cars, alive with frustration and loathing for each other, unable to move and burning money, because usually we’re doing that vertically in our flats.”
Experts have confirmed that the population of London has diminished by exactly 100 per cent, with 100 per cent of those people intending to return to the city late on Monday evening.
Penge resident Emma Bradford said: “I completely forgot it was Easter until I went out into the deserted streets, not a soul in sight, a deer grazing on the green. Still a shithole.”