Magic Mike live show opens portal to hen party hell

THE Magic Mike Live stage show has opened a hen party hellmouth in London.

The sell-out male strip show summoned the forces of darkness through a massive tear in the spiritual plain after generating otherworldly levels of girls-night-out excitement.

Eyewitness Nikki Hollis, 28, said: “They were dancing around topless and gyrating. Then they all ripped their trousers off at the same time and everyone screamed. It felt like my head was going to explode.

“Suddenly the whole place was shaking and the ground opened up.”

As hen party demons spilled through the portal there was a deafening series of glitter cannon explosions as the audience was swept away on a sea of baby oil, cheap white wine and penis paraphernalia.

Despite widespread injuries and several women being dragged screeching into the underworld, Hollis and her friends agreed that it was ‘definitely worth it’ before downing some shots and throwing a dildo at a man on a bicycle.


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Britain's nastiest towns get festive visit from the Pepsi Max Cherry truck

NASTY towns across Britain are being subjected to a Christmas visit from the Pepsi Max Cherry truck.

The truck is stopping in communities that have fewer than three places to buy books, an out-of-town McDonalds, one independent mobile phone shop and, inexplicably, a thriving amateur dramatics scene.

Families in towns including Tiverton, Greenock, Merthyr Tydfil and Middlesbrough are reluctantly turning out to see the medium-sized lorry spew its foul tasting contents into their streets.

Extinguishing a cigarette on the side of the truck, driver Wayne Hayes said: “We’re going all over the country spreading Christmas cheer. Look, this wasn’t my first choice either.”

He added: “I feel kind of sorry for these people, but at least they’re not getting a visit from the Pepsi Max Ginger Transit van.

“That’s just for Sunderland.”